Was there a point in your writing when you almost forget it was an assignment?
What was the subject you were writing about? What was your experience?
As I was writing my personal essay/memoir, I let the words flow from me freely. I didn’t view the topic I was writing about as a paper that I had to turn in, but something that I felt that I needed to write and let go. If I began to think that the assignment was something that I had to submit for a grade, I’ll feel the pressure and probably not turn in a good paper. Or maybe I would have.
In the back of my mind was the goal of writing a decent paper that would receive a pretty good decent grade. But for the most part, I approached my personal essay as something that I would write to get published somewhere. I liked writing it. I liked the way it read. I liked reading it after I wrote down those words. That last part is the most important thing to me. If I don’t like reading the paper I wrote, don’t receive any joy from it, then it’s not a good paper.
Describe a point where you got stuck – where you wished you had a different subject
I got stuck when I thought I was being too personal. For the most part, I don’t like delving underneath my calm and pleasant exterior that I like to showcase to the world. I like to keep any of my shadows out of sight – from others and from myself, which I suppose isn’t too healthy. One of my group therapists told me the other day that it was “sad that I don’t have a place for myself to express my true feelings” and she’s write. I don’t. So when I was faced with trying to find that place within those pages of that paper, it was hard for me.
I put the paper aside for a few days. I thought about changing the topic to an easier one that didn’t become as personal as the paper I was writing then. But I felt that I would cheat myself out of writing a paper that would release most of the feelings that I had inside and splash them outward. And so, I kept on.
Describe what you learned from yourself
Even though at certain points the paper felt too heavy for me to keep on writing about, I learned that I could actually write about the subject.
I was in another class (Drug Use & Abuse) and wanted to write a paper about antidepressants. I never did. In fact, I now have an F in the class for not completing that paper. I felt as though it was too hard for me to write about in that moment of life. I was depressed still and was not on any medication. Writing about something so close was difficult for me. Researching depression and reading what the “scholarly” individuals thought about the matter was too, too much.
I never heard of creative nonfiction. I had this image of nonfiction as boring literature that only had the facts spelled out for you. But the ability to create something that could read like Stanton’s piece about Zion is beautiful. You are not just giving the reader facts about the subject you are writing about, but you are using your words to create the image you want the reader to envision within their minds.
What I learned about writing
There are many different types of writing skills and genres. That writing can help scope out your hurt and pain and happiness and calmness and create something that can help not only yourself, but the reader.
Thinking about audience and form? Became a more reflective writer?
Before this class, I really didn’t think about my audience when I wrote. I solely thought about whether I myself like the writing I developed. If I liked it, then okay. But now, I think of whether or not my words are good. Especially with nonfiction. If I want to publish a piece as a creative nonfiction piece, then I would go back and wonder if I made a point that I wanted to create for the reader to grasp.
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Your discussion of the struggle to delve beneath the calm exterior you like to present to the world is a very real problem for creative nonfiction authors. The charge is to honestly reckon with who you are, and to share that reckoning with your readers (shudder). That IS hard. But you DID successfully meet these demands. Hopefully, by using your writing for this course to contemplate and articulate how you really feel - you have gained experience that will make your next efforts easier.
Not that you are ever required to spill your guts to the world. Hopefully what you learned how to do is to spill your guts - honestly, compassionately, and in detail - to your self. If you can do that, then you can choose what you want to reveal.
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